At Ease

Lately, there’s one question that keeps coming up.. About me. About my relationship status.

‘Kak Intan, are you single?’

‘Don’t you have a partner?’

‘Don’t you feel lonely?’

And what’s funny is, these questions aren’t new. They didn’t just appear recently. They’ve been following me for years. 

Almost like a recurring theme I was expected to answer.

At some point, I realized how often my life was being measured through that one lens. As if my happiness, my fulfillment, my growth could be summed up by whether or not I’m in a relationship.

For a long time, I thought I needed a proper answer. Something convincing. Something that would make people feel comfortable with my choices.

But today, I don’t feel that pressure anymore.

Because the truth is, I’m okay. I’m totally fine being single.

I have good friends in my life. I have meaningful friendships. I have people who show up, who listen. And in many ways, that already feels like love. *in general 

I don’t feel alone. I feel accompanied by my own life.

This season feels like one of the best phases of my life. Because for the first time, I have the space to truly know myself. Not the version shaped by expectations, not the version rushing to meet timelines that aren’t mine.

So sometimes I ask myself, "do I really need a relationship right now to feel whole?" (apakah aku butuh 'sebuah hubungan-pacaran' untuk merasa utuh?)

Or is this the first time I’m actually secure enough within myself?

Maybe being single isn’t something I need to justify. Maybe it’s simply where I am meant to be, right now.

I can choose how I spend my time. I can enjoy my own company. I can build my life without constantly adjusting myself to fit someone else’s pace or path. I don’t have to negotiate my existence with anyone.

And somehow, in that freedom, I found something I didn’t expect, peace.

I realized that I’m no longer looking for a relationship to fill a void. Because I don’t feel empty. I don’t feel unfinished.

I feel grounded. I feel present. I feel whole.

Maybe being single doesn’t mean I’m missing something. Maybe it means I’m listening. Listening to myself. To my boundaries. To my growth.

I’m not closed off to love. I’m not afraid of connection. I’m simply not in a rush.

Because if love comes into my life one day, I want to meet it as someone who already knows herself. Not from fear of being alone. Not from a need to be rescued. But from a place of wholeness.

And right now, this version of me, the one who feels at home within herself.

Aku ingin cinta hadir bukan untuk mengisi (kekosongan), tapi untuk berbagi (kebaikan).