The Quiet Study of Myself

Hi friends!

Today’s journal theme is her opinion about herself.

It sounds simple, but in truth, describing yourself is never easy. It’s like looking into a calm lake, the reflection you see shifts with every ripple, never showing the full picture all at once.

If she were to describe herself, she might begin with a small irony, people often think she’s someone who overshares. They see her openness, her words, her habit of expressing thoughts, and assume they already know her story. But behind that surface lies someone who moves in silence.

She prepares quietly, plans carefully, and lets her actions speak louder than her words. Like the time she switched jobs, many thought she had help from “someone inside,” but the truth was, she had been working toward that goal for months, step by step, with discipline and prayer, Allah helps me a lot, always, whenever.

And yaa, it amuses her sometimes how people perceive her as open, when in reality, much of her effort happens quietly, unseen.

Outwardly, she might appear calm, maybe even a little distant. Her strong jawline, a trace of her Sumatran heritage WKWKWK, gives her a look of firmness that people often mistake for coldness. But beneath that exterior is a sensitive soul. She notices the small things, a tone that changes, a silence that lingers, a look that hides sadness. She feels deeply, though she doesn’t always show it.

At the same time, she’s logical, shaped by a circle of people who value reason and clarity. So while her heart feels, her mind thinks. She’s learned to balance emotion with thought, instinct with understanding. Maybe that’s her quiet strength, she can empathize without losing herself, she can care without being consumed.

She’s reflective too. When faced with decisions, she rarely rushes. She collects perspectives, weighs facts, and waits for clarity before moving forward. Her choices are seldom impulsive (EVEN THOUGH IT'S ALREADY BEEN), they’re born from stillness and awareness.

If she could describe herself in one line, she’d say, she’s a mix of contradictions that somehow fit together, gentle but grounded, expressive but private, emotional but rational. She’s learning, constantly. She’s discovering that she doesn’t have to choose between her heart and her mind, because both are essential parts of who she is.

She may not have figured herself out completely, maybe no one ever does, but she’s learning to embrace the beauty of becoming. And in that journey, she continues to live, think, feel, and grow, quietly, but wholeheartedly.

Perhaps self understanding isn’t about finding a fixed version of who we are, but learning to embrace the person we keep becoming. She’s still learning, still growing, still unfolding, and maybe that’s the most beautiful part of being human.